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8:29pm August 8, 2014

A little over a year ago, they told me they didn’t think I could care for a feeding tube, so I should try death instead.

Right now?

I just got back from the same hospital, where they knew nothing, nothing about caring for feeding tubes.  It wasn’t their fault, they had no particular training.  But in another week they’d have blocked it worse than any clog zapper could get through.

I don’t know how to explain the rage that happens when someone is messing with such an intimate part of you, and not giving it the care and respect it deserves, and yet you can’t even blame them because they haven’t been taught any better.  These were great people with bad education.  But it hurt so bad to see them mistreating my tube, which I’ve grown to love like it’s a family member or something.  It’s a part of me now.  I feel like it’s alive and that mistreating it is mistreating a living thing.

And I think it’s happier after tonight’s work with it.

And I’m happier to be the one working with it again, I did so much to make it happy again.

A happy tube is a useful tube but also my relationship to my tube means a lot to me.  When it’s happy I’m happy, and I feel like we communicate to each other.

And I know more about taking care of a tube than any of the experts who decided I couldn’t possibly take care of one so I should choose death.

Joke’s on them, I guess.

Notes:
  1. arctic-hands reblogged this from withasmoothroundstone and added:
    Aha. Ahahahaha. Sorry, that just reminds me of my second endoscopy. I had already learned from my first endoscopy (age...
  2. deathtasteslikechicken reblogged this from withasmoothroundstone
  3. scootybooty-love reblogged this from withasmoothroundstone
  4. withasmoothroundstone reblogged this from arctic-hands and added:
    Oh you missed the Tube Wars? Here’s a summary: //ballastexistenz.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/feeding-tubes-and-weird-ideas/...
  5. cortisolo said: This is one of those contexts where I wish the whole “the technology that keeps us alive becomes a part of us” argument that led to speculation about cyborgs in the first place was more readily known by people.