9:41pm August 12, 2014

Another moment that discouraged me from ever communicating anything real.

I had a necklace that had something like piano wire inside, it made beautiful chiming noises.  The chiming noises were extremely delicate and beautiful.  Delicate is the word, though.

But some days, when I was overloaded, the sound was rough, and impossible to stand, and jangly, and uncomfortable.

One day – mind you I did not have good communication back then, so this is a minor miracle – I told a secretary I was helping at school… “Sometimes this sound beautiful, but sometimes it sounds loud and jangly.  I don’t understand it.”

She said “Something’s wrong with you, I think.”

I never said another word to anyone about it again.

And this is yet another textbook example of “I say something real, something from my real thoughts and experiences, for the first time ever, and someone has such a negative response that I am sort of reinforced into not communicating with people.  As if I needed any incentive to make communication harder.”

Because I swear that, growing up, every time I made a major breakthrough in communication, where I said something that really meant what I was thinking, I got a response that made it clear that I shouldn’t be communicating.

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