9:45pm August 18, 2014

I am so happy sometimes.

When I come on tumblr and people have left random messages about me being physically attractive or having interesting fashion sense. These are not things I normally hear. And I want to say I’m grateful for hearing them, even if I don’t know the people who are saying them. It’s nice to be considered attractive sometimes when normally people tell me I’m fugly. I actually once joined a “rate me for ugly people” group just to see how conventionally ugly I was, and they almost wouldn’t accept my application because they thought I was trolling. (It was a community where ugly people were supposed to send our pictures to be told exactly how ugly we were. At the time it was just idle curiosity that made me do it. Anonymously. Ages ago.)

I think maybe I am both ugly and attractive depending on who is looking at me and what they are looking for, and I am fine with both. But it feels nice to be told I’m attractive sometimes, or that my clothes are nice. I never thought I’d be so affected by people saying like that but sometimes it almost makes me cry.

So thank you to everyone who has said things like that. No pressure to say that, or not say that, otherwise, though. I was a little afraid to write this post in case it influenced what people said about me. But I wanted to tell you how thankful I am to hear things like that sometimes.

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