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3:17pm August 29, 2014

bittersnurr:

today I had SSI appointment and now I cannot words outloud

Honestly it probably does make you more credible.

I was a wreck at my SSI appointment (largely due to sleep deprivation plus too many appointments beforehand) and it did me a lot more favors than I like to think.

My mom said that I actually, in the waiting room, stood up and in the process knocked a whole bunch of things onto the floor and didn’t even notice, and kept doing things like that throughout the entire appointment.

I couldn’t talk that day either and I barely followed anything they said.  I only really remember two things they said.  One was about representative payees (which was the only time I spoke up, by typing, to tell them I wanted to be my own payee).  And the other was at the end when they said that they usually couldn’t tell about things like this but that they were absolutely certain I’d qualify.  Oh yeah and another part they made me sign saying that I would go to a sheltered workshop if asked to, but then they also told me that I wouldn’t be asked to because I was too severely disabled.

(Someone has used that last part to say I was lying.  They say there’s no such thing as too severely disabled for sheltered workshops.  But actually there are entire day programs set up specifically for people who have too many physical impairments to be considered worth putting in sheltered workshops.  And they were true to their word, I’ve never had them demand that I attend a sheltered workshop.  Ever.  Because too many cognitive and physical disabilities combined to make putting me in one worthwhile to them or anyone else.)

Anyway yes it probably does make you more credible if you can’t string together sentences, and if you’re trying for SSI that’s not a bad thing.  The horrible thing about SSI – I found it horrible anyway, like really demoralizing – is that the worse you look, the worse you function, the better it is for you in terms of getting what you need from them.  I came home from my first SSI interview and cried my eyes out all night long because of how it fucked with my head.  But it worked, and I needed the income, so I can’t complain too badly.