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12:24am September 2, 2014

There’s a discussion I want to enter, but I can’t.

I have too much stress already.

Adrenal insufficiency makes stress into a killer.  I can’t ignore stress.  I can’t fully compensate for it by just taking more and more dexamethasone, without side-effects.

I wish people would understand that not everyone can take part in the sort of high-stress arguments that take place on tumblr sometimes.  That the arguments are basically inaccessible to anyone where stress is an actual component of their disease.

In my case, stress depletes cortisol, which can send me into adrenal crisis.

I’m under a lot of stress without stupid tumblr arguments adding to it.

But there’s so much I would say, if only I could without putting myself in the middle of a discussion that could make me very sick.

I wish that people could have these discussions without everyone blowing up at each other.  Without people acting like their difference of opinion is absolute life and death and needs to be defended as if in a war zone.

People like me can’t walk into such a discussion and remain unaffected by the stress in the atmosphere.  We just can’t.

And there’s no reason that the discussions have to escalate to that point.

No reason at all.

It’s possible to talk to people like reasonable people who disagree with each other, without acting like you’re about to punch each other in the face.

It’s not that I think anger is wrong, but sometimes it’s over-expressed in ways that actually do damage to people.  And people are often unaware of the damage they are doing by flipping out at people in huge ways over things that can’t be helped.

I just feel really sad that I can’t have these discussions anymore.  At least not now.  Not while my parents are evacuated, my dad is dying of cancer, my mother’s myasthenia is highly unstable, I just got over meningitis and a lung infection, and I’m barely hanging on despite taking massive stress doses of dexamethasone.  My friend told me today that I looked like I used to look in the Bad Old Days before dexamethasone gave me this new lease on life.

That tells me I have to check out of certain discussions if I want to survive.

Don’t pressure me to stay.

Don’t treat me like shit behind my back because I left.

Just don’t.

Notes:
  1. tuesdayisfordancing said: I hope you are able to take care of yourself and things get better. Thank you for the things you say when you can afford to.
  2. tashucashew said: I sometimes must do the same as you in arguments –even if I have good points– because stress is not good for my disease either! It’s totally fine to say “enough already!” Take care of your health first.
  3. feliscorvus said: I don’t have adrenal problems and I STILL think it’s okay to stay out of certain discussions. If I see anyone trying to pressure you I will want to deck them.
  4. withasmoothroundstone posted this