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11:18pm September 13, 2014

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Patience is increasingly important for all of us in our speeded-up world; for the person with communication impairments, time may be the single most important factor in gaining real access to the conversational community.

I learned an important lesson on this topic from my friend “Jonathan.” I used to see Jonathan about once a week; I’d bring him over to my house where we could relax, and carry on a conversation using facilitated communication. At the time, I was the only person in Jonathan’s life who facilitated with him regularly, so those two hours a week were his only real opportunity for extensive conversation.
Jonathan insisted on following an exact routine each time he came over. He would use the manual sign for “soda,” and I would get him a can of Coke from the refrigerator. He would drink it while lying on the couch with his feet up and his head resting on my lap. Only after finishing his Coke would he be interested in conversing with me, and the can of Coke could last him as long as 45 minutes.

After several weeks of this routine, I spoke to Jonathan of my frustration. “I hate wasting our limited time like this,” I told him. “Isn’t there any way we could hurry through the Coke time?”

“No,” Jonathan typed. “This time is important. When we are talking, I am in your world. When we are quiet, you are in mine.”

“Oh,” I said, and stayed quiet.

Dedicating enough time to respect the speaker’s communication often requires postponing a conversation until a time when you can give it the attention it deserves, and making sure that such time is made available without significant delay.

”

— 

Mayer Shevin, On Being A Communication Ally

I identify with “Jonathan” so much there in ways I can’t explain.  I want people to have to engage with me on my level sometimes, without making me climb up to their level.