2:44am September 15, 2014

Yeah dude, you’ve got it right…

I have an entire system of thinking and perceiving the world that I’ve been ashamed of my entire life, that I’ve been taught constantly by everyone around me is inferior to the way they think, that I’ve only felt like talking about in recent years because I want other autistic people (who disproportionately experience the world this way) to not feel alone, all because I want to feel ~special~. What the actual fuck? I hate feeling special. I swear only people who haven’t been through things like ~special ed~ want to feel ~special~. If you’ve been considered “special” in either a bad way or a good way at any time in your life (and I’ve been both), it’s the last thing you want anyone to consider you.

Now let me fucking discuss being a sensing person in peace without mocking me for a cognitive style I can’t help any more than you can help yours. I can’t fucking help if I see things in my mind’s eye when I look at people, any more than I can help the fact that four is blue and three is red. (And yes, I have genuine bona fide synesthesia, I’ve been in genetic experiments where I had to prove it using rigorous testing, so don’t tell me “it’s not synesthesia”.) Just fuck off and go back where you came from.

ETA: The guy seems to have it in for pagans in particular, judging by his tags. So he basically thinks I see colors in my head associated with people because I’m a pagan who wants to feel special. That… makes no sense, at all. What does being pagan have to do with conceptual colored personality synesthesia? (And I only loosely call myself pagan, because it’s the closest word. I have no ties to the pagan community or anything, especially because of all the big egos wandering around there.)

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