11:45am September 18, 2014

What I Miss

Law school is alright, but something about it is hollow. I talked to Tim Villegas over at Think Inclusive about it the other night, just briefly, because it has been on my mind. My classmates are welcoming. News of my disability has unwound naturally as we ask each other about our plans. It is not a big deal. No one is prejudiced enough to make it one. The absence I noticed, once I could put my finger on what it was, is that no one here is neurodiverse in ways that are an un-concealable big deal.

We must look like people in movies or on TV. Some people have useful quirks. Others have cute quirks. No one is struggling to hold it together from day to day. By definition, hardly anyone like that soars through enough of the tests of conventional success to land here. I miss routinely seeing people with low IQ scores, bad brain days, ‘challenging behaviors’ and medications, the duct tape and twine existence of an active disability community.

When I left special ed, I really felt like an alien who had landed on earth. Like I’d walk down the street and I’d expect people to be stimming or yelling or doing things that people at my school did, and nobody was doing those things, or practically nobody, and I felt very weird and alone.

But one thing that started happening, was that other neurodivergent people would spot me on the street and approach me. Especially homeless people. And we’d talk, and we’d feel a little bit less alone. I remember a friend being surprised by how many people walked up to me and started conversations, and it was because they probably felt as alien as I did and spotted a fellow alien in public and had to come over and talk.

Which was a problem sometimes because I didn’t always feel like talking, but I sort of took it in stride, I didn’t even know anything unusual was happening until my friend pointed it out.