as small as a world and as large as alone, clatterbane: But yeah, in case anybody...

9:59pm October 7, 2014

But yeah, in case anybody (presumably without a whole lot of experience there) had wondered how medical PTSD happens, that last reblog describes one of the types of situations which can help bring that about. We’re rarely talking about a single bad experience, either.

I mean, in some cases like that one, we are talking about literally life or death situations, with some medical professionals behaving abusively or just not caring. When they quite literally have life or death power over you, when you may be too weak to sit up. And you may have excellent reason to fear trying to make any complaints.

That particular hospital stay was so blatantly bad in so many ways that I could probably write a book about that one alone. Including getting sexually assaulted by some resident from a totally different department who shouldn’t have been in there, obviously being allowed to prey on people stuck in the neurosciences ICU. Most of the others couldn’t even complain; I just got treated like I must be hallucinating or something, even though I had his name and department off his hospital badge. (He scurried off as soon as I woke up and started yelling. Obviously wasn’t expecting someone conscious at all. :-| ) And I got treated roughly by a couple of the nurses, in a punitive way, beyond the gaslighting.

And I don’t think it was entirely coincidental that somebody entered the billing code for a psychotic episode in my records for that stay. As we only found out when Blue Cross initially refused to pay, because pituitary surgery is indeed not an indicated treatment for psychosis. My mother got that straightened out fairly quickly, but yeah.

And that is just one single hospital stay. At least nobody was hitting me and/or physically wrestling me down as pretty routinely happened in medical settings when I was a terrified kid prone to meltdowns and trying to do runners. ETA: It’s also not like the mostly nurses in question didn’t know they shouldn’t hit sick, terrified kids, either, since they never did it when my parents or other adult relatives were there. Though my parents helped with the wrestling, more than a few times. :-| /ETA

Usually it’s less spectacular and blatant than that, though. And it doesn’t even require that everyone you encounter behaves abusively or callously. Just having one who doesn’t give a shit or just hates you on sight for some reason is enough to actually endanger your life. Watching someone close to you get mistreated by racist “professionals” can be enough. Having them keep brushing off symptoms and/or adverse reactions to meds that almost kill you can be enough. Having them refuse to admit that it’s MRSA in your surgical incision, afraid of liability, can be enough. (My mom got that one after a mastectomy.) If you get inappropriate treatment, or are totally denied the treatment you need because you’re fat or disabled or trans, that is sure as hell more than enough.

There are so many ways you and people you care about can be placed in very real danger. Even if it does not seem to be an immediate life or death situation at the time. They still have that kind of power over your life, and some will abuse it.

And it all adds up, over time.

And with some of the dynamics there, you don’t dare even say that you have some very real reasons based in actual experiences to be extremely nervous and maybe avoid medical settings.

Dentists tend to be better about understanding that sometimes people have good reasons to have developed dental fear. There are dentists who specialize in treating anxious patients, no matter why they’re anxious in that situation. Being wary of dental care and dentists is considered pretty normal. In most medical settings—especially if you’ve ever been in the psych system at all for any reason—I wouldn’t try to explain or even admit I was having anxiety attacks on a bet.

But, I refuse to call it “iatrophobia”. Because for an awful lot of us, it’s not irrational at all.

And there really does seem to be a lot of pressure not to say that. I really do not have much patience by now with #NotAllDoctors type responses. One is too many, with people’s actual lives and wellbeing on the line.

I am also sick of getting treated the way some people think a naughty “noncompliant” little kid deserves, when I cannot or just do not want to do exactly what I am told. Or if I have trouble even seeking badly needed medical care. Nobody should just have to accept being talked to that way.

And that can also place your life at risk.