9:04pm December 1, 2014

The White Institution (written ~2002, events 1999)

I walked down the street
With my eyes on the building of white
I knew they were like me
Autistic and trained not to fight 

They rocked behind bars and
I knew I belonged there not here
Not out on the streets
With the ones who had never known fear

My body moved forward 
To ocean with sand and with stars
But my thoughts, they went back
To the white institution with bars 

As slugs we might be
But the world it had fashioned a shell
Not home anymore
Not here, not on earth, but in hell

madeofpatterns this is my best attempt to recreate from memory the poem I wrote about that white institution with the tiny yards full of wrought-iron bars, and the beautiful gardens that nobody ever actually walked in, that I saw anyway. I can’t find my last post referencing this place or I’d link it. If I ever find the original version (probably in my computer that’s in the shop) I’ll post it if it differs significantly from this version.

11 notes

4:38pm November 14, 2014

Love and the Ocean (RIP Ronald Baggs, 1941-2014)

just one drop of rain
fell into the wide ocean
dissolved in the sea

Ron dissolved into Love
where Love is, so too is Ron

15 notes

1:16am October 28, 2014

Awe

Awe is where wonder and fear collide
And we stare out to the stars meeting the sea
And we wonder is there a place in this world for me

Awe is where my heart turns into a stone
A living, pulsating stone of many colors
That move out of the way to make room for each other

Awe is where the stones meet the ocean
In caves that took millions of years to erode
And my body tells me this is your second home

Water and earth can mean so many things
The soil of the redwood rainforests
The stone caves carved by water seeking the sea
The river rocks with holes all through them
The monsoon season in the desert rocks
The rivers carving canyons
The tiny creeks wetting tiny amounts of soil
The springs of water flowing out from in between the rocks
Waterfalls crashing down with caves behind them

And all of these things are sacred to me
And all of these things are part of me
But the one that means the most
Will always be the soil in the redwoods

Awe is where wonder and fear collide
I am where earth and water unite
I am in awe of the collision
I am in awe of you and of me
We are made of the stuff of the earth
We are made of the stuff of the water
I have only to look at you
To see a metallic daughter
With the earth kept tight inside
Like a vessel full to bursting
And I have only to look at myself
To see moistened soil from the forest floor
And I could see even more
The plants that grow, wither, and die
And decay to become part of me
The wind with a sigh brings down
Dead redwood needles and cones

And it doesn’t matter where you go
Or who you are
You have only to look at the ground
Below your feet
Or up at the stars
The clouds roll overhead
A thunderclap hits a little too close
And that beauty and awe is back
But you’d better run home

[Originally posted to my main poetry blog, which has a comments section.]

12 notes

11:33pm October 25, 2014

Haiku #5: Redwoods drink water

ocean mist blows through
redwoods drink through their needles
not only their roots

[This post is also on my main poetry blog, which has a comments section.]

7 notes

9:47pm September 29, 2014

That Dream Where I Stopped Fearing My Feelings

A river flows away from all the stones
That hold me on the ground beneath my feet
It carries in its current more unknowns
It holds me in its arms, and moves so fleet
So fleet that I can scarce come up for air
No chance to grab onto the wall of rock
I must allow the river now to bear
My flailing body far too weak to walk
I float away until I reach the sea
I have no means to keep my head afloat
The waves of feeling lash and flail at me
And I will drown, the water fills my throat
     But all at once, I let the waves crash through
     And gills appear where only lungs once grew

[Also at my main poetry blog, which has a comments section.]

13 notes

8:54am September 27, 2014

[Image description:  A pale hand holding a shiny ball of blue lapis lazuli.  Included over it in italic letters is the E. E.  Cummings quote, “may came home with a smooth round stone / as small as a world and as large as alone.”  The letters are italic and pale blue over a translucent brown background.  There is part of a crocheted blanket in the background too, yellow and brown.  The border is dark blue.]

I don’t know why this quote resonates with me so much, but it does.  I’ve even made part of it into my blog (sub)title for this blog, that’s how strongly it feels like it fits me.  This is exactly my relationship with rocks.  

As small as a world and as large as alone.  

As small as a world and as large as alone.  

As small as a world and as large as alone.

As small as a world and as large as alone.

As small as a world and as large as alone.

It’s words like that, that resonate so strongly with my experience of the world, without even trying.  I know that E. E. Cummings did not have someone like me in mind when he wrote the poem.  Someone for whom rocks tell me I’m alive, they tell me I have a place in the world, they tell me that if they ever took on human form they would be disabled like me because nature is full of disability.  Rocks kept me sane when I was in all other ways going crazy, living alone, malnourished, unsanitary, rocks in the redwood forest told me there was always going to be a place in the world for me and that I didn’t have to find it among human society.

Anyway, here’s the full poem:  Maggie and Millie and Molly and May.

11 notes

4:33am September 27, 2014

“

maggie and milly and molly and may
went down to the beach(to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn’t remember her troubles,and

milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me)
it’s always ourselves we find in the sea

”

E. E. Cummings

I’m definitely May, in this one.  "a smooth round stone as small as a world and as large as alone".

My other favorite line, “for whatever we lose (like a you or a me) it’s always ourselves that we find in the sea.”

But that smooth round stone… wow.  That would be me, and as long as I live I will be in awe of E. E. Cumming’s ability to use words to amazing effect.  (Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town amazes me because the words make no sense but you can totally see what’s happening.  That takes talent, even genius.)

may came home with a smooth round stone

as small as a world and as large as alone

37 notes

10:36am September 26, 2014

Words Are Just A Carrier Wave

All you have to do is think of me
And all my love is there
All you have to do is look at my face
And all the unspoken things
I want to tell you before you die
Pour out of me and into your mind

All I have to do is think of you
And I see so much of you I’ve never seen before
All I have to do is look at your face
And all the things you can’t remember
All the things your brain won’t let you say
Are written there as if in ink

Everything we are is written on each other
Everything we need to know is there
There’s nothing more we have to say, in a way
Because everything is written on our souls

I can see you right now
Three thousand miles away
I see the light that shines inside you
I see the love that holds your body together
Even as it’s failing

That love will hold us up as you die
That love won’t disappear
No matter how bad it gets
That love is turning you into light
Even now I can see it
Turning you into light
Three thousand miles away
The love you have taken on
Is slowly turning you into light

You told me not to grieve too hard
Which is a tall order
When losing a father for the first time
But when I close my eyes to look at you
Every day I see the light shine through
Even more than it had before then
Even more than it had before

You’re becoming translucent
Your skin is just a place
For the light to shine through
For the love that has carried us this far
To shine through you and around you
I see it more every day
And there’s not a lot I can say
Because it’s already been said
And we can read it
In the love
On our bodies

“Words are just a carrier wave”
That’s what my friend Anne would say
When faced with situations like this one
But I have some memories
I want to share before you go
And maybe words will serve their purpose

I remember sitting with you
And listening for owls in the redwoods
On our back porch

I remember granite mountainsides
Heated so much by the sun
That you could smell the rock itself

I remember picking up and counting
Every salamander
On a hike from the skyline to the sea

I remember hollow logs so big that
Even adults could stand inside them
And marvel at the fungal growth

I remember picking wild blueberries
While you made pancakes out of them
Then let me ride on your shoulders

I remember playing with your beard
When I was too young to understand
Just about anything

I remember catching more fish
Than any of the rest of you
Because I liked the repetition

I remember feeling proud
When you taught me how to gut a fish
Like I learned something truly useful

I remember the glee I felt
Sorting your tangled pile of resistors
Thinking it was a game, not a chore

I remember the fresh smell of your sweat
After you came inside
From splitting wood

I remember how proud I felt
When you taught me to split wood
All by myself

I remember when I talked like you
You’d smile and call me
“My lil’ Suthun gal”

(Whenever I could be like you
My heart would burst with pride)

I remember when you took me on creek walks
With our shoes and pants on
And the water splashing us all around

I remember when you showed me
An entire wall full of electronics
And then told me, “I made this.”

I remember going to work with you
Getting to meet all the other technicians
Was better than meeting the famous physicists

I remember always stopping during a hike
At one particular spring
To make lemonade

I remember all your sayings like
“Bear food runs from bears” and
“I’m just as fine as frog fur.”

Thank you
For getting so depressed when you were drafted
That you ate too much and accidentally got too fat for the Service
(Or I might not exist.)

Thank you
For not using protection
In the woods in Henry Coe
(Or I wouldn’t exist.)

Thank you
For getting out of that snowstorm
When you hallucinated me saying I needed you
(I did. I do still. I will always.)

Thank you
For living in Redwood Terrace
When I was born
(Or I’d be a completely different person)

Thank you
For letting me hit you in the back
So I wouldn’t hit the ER nurse who had his hand up my butt
(That’s a true father)

Thank you
For forgiving me
For everything I put you through
(I can’t imagine raising me)

Thank you
For learning anger management
And then passing on the knowledge to me
(Because we both sure needed it)

Your love brought me life
Your love holds me up
Your love is everything to me
And now that you’re leaving
Love will cover us all
And love is all you will be

I will watch for your love in the stars
I will watch for your love in the sea
I will watch for your love
In the soil and the rocks
And in the sun’s light
That shines over me

But right now all I have to do
Is look at your face
To see the light shining through
And right now all you need to see
Is the love in my face
Shining right back at you

[Also on my main poetry blog.  Where my dad has actually responded.]  

11 notes

4:44am March 11, 2014

ftcreature:

The Featured Creature: Sea Sapphire: the Most Beautiful Animal You’ve Never Heard Of

This is the Sea Sapphire, an absolutely STUNNING marine copepod. Japanese fishermen would call a gathering of these creatures “tama-mizu”, or jeweled water.

Make sure to watch the VIDEO in the article!!

photos: Stefan Siebert, http://blogs.yahoo.co.jp/bluemuseum, CIOERT, .gif from liquidguru vid

31,935 notes

1:39pm January 27, 2014

“When I sit outside on the ferry is when I most believe in love. I don’t know why. Something about the wind makes me feel alive…the seagulls and the sky…whether its sunny and bright or cloudy and grey or nighttime and I’m surrounded by vast darkness…I just feel…FULL. Full of love and energy….almost as though I’m porous and the wind soars through tiny holes in my body and I’m part of it all…the earth and the people and the relation of everything with everything…as though I don’t matter…but its not scary…its wonderful….i feel so free.
It’s the only time I’m not afraid to die. Cuz I can feel the wind and I know that I’ll always be a part of life…and the love and energy that are contained in my skin will be let loose into the wind and the world will just know how much I care and love and I will live forever. I believe that love is what defines us as human. I believe that my love for you will never die. My heart breaks to think of how lucky I am. How happy and hopeful and full I am. I love you so solidly. I am real and you are real and I hope we will always be real. I am in awe of you. My interest in who you are is infinite. Drop a stone in the well of my desire for you and you’ll never hear it hit the bottom. You amaze me. Your love makes me invincible…no not invincible…immortal. Because when I die I believe my love for you will surround you till your soul joins mine in the wind.”

Eva Markvoort

I’m not in love with anyone right now, but I feel like this, a lot of the time, for all of my friends.

16 notes

3:43pm November 25, 2013

I will miss those little houses

Nuuk, Greenland

Oct 2013

93,940 notes

2:01pm November 25, 2013

kyleganleyphotography:

#rocks #water #ocean #beach #sand

7 notes

9:02am November 17, 2013

imalikshake:

“The black Coast of Vik during heavy rainfall” by Stefan Forster

23,751 notes