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6:35pm March 10, 2016
My dad’s hat, the lightest one that he had, because it’s HOT today.

My dad’s hat, the lightest one that he had, because it’s HOT today.

3:38pm February 29, 2016

Crocheted shawl, from the book Poetic Crochet. Pattern is called Skylark. Color is Ginger Ninja. The following was the suggested yarn: “Dream in Color Baby (100% superwash merino wool; 700 yd [640 m]/4 oz [113.5 g]): Summer Sky, 1 skein.”. I got The color Ginger Ninja instead of Summer Sky but otherwise it’s the same.

As such, instead of a cloudy sky, it looks kind of like lichen, which is much more the sort of thing I’d wear. Visually, this may be one of my favorite shawls so far.

They aren’t kidding about blocking drastically changing the size of this thing, and the appearance. That very last picture is the shawl before blocking. All the rest are the shawl after blocking, with the two nearest the end (but not the end0 being during blocking. I’m really satisfied with this shawl.

(Yes, I’m going through and making as many shawls as I possibly can. They’re all quite beautiful, and it’s’ good practice to learn how to make certain designs and tweak others.)

By the ways, hands down, this is the most amazing yarn I have ever seen, as far as the dye job. The color looks completely natural, it looks like someone painted a sunset onto the yarn. It’s stunning and amazing and beautiful. I have a hard time not buying tons of the stuff in different colors, I’ve never seen yarn this amazing.

The shawl pin is a copper infinity symbol made by a friend of mine and a stick that used to be a crochet hook before the end snapped off.

1:13pm November 30, 2015
I’m a chair potato lately. It’s entirely down to my left hip being injured and the rest of my body feeling nearly as bad from trying to compensate.

I’m a chair potato lately. It’s entirely down to my left hip being injured and the rest of my body feeling nearly as bad from trying to compensate.

3:11pm November 23, 2015
The blue version of the same dad shirt as the last picture.

The blue version of the same dad shirt as the last picture.

5:01pm November 22, 2015

One of my favorite dad shirts. I have three – one green stripes, one brown stripes, one blue stripes, and I love all of them.

4:39pm November 22, 2015

Lots of people deliberately use the opposite camera angle to this one, in their selfies. This is my favorite camera angle for selfies. There’s just something ridiculous about it, especially if you make faces.

7:50am November 11, 2015
This is what I mean about what I do to my hair before a doctor visit. In this case it’s in a bun with a scarf over it. And yet there’s still curls sticking out asymmetrically on one side. Which fortunately can pass as a fashion statement most of the time, at least until and unless it turns into frizz (less likely if I spray it regularly with a homemade concoction of water with a tiny bit of hair-friendly oils). I find though that women in the healthcare field tend to be less judgemental about things like this, and especially if they have thick non-straight hair I might get spontaneous commiseration rather than judgment. After all, they may not get called crazy for having “unkempt” hair the way I and other patients do, but they do get called unprofessional an awful lot for having the exact same hair types. And unlike me, they have to find some way to do this every single day if they want to have a job. I’ve had many many conversations this past summer about humidity and hair, mostly spontaneously started by nurses or medical technicians after they see my hair at its most floofy. It usually starts with something like “That’s how my hair looked this morning…” followed by a description of a ridiculous amount of styling products that I’d never use on my hair but they pretty much have to, to look “professional”, just like they’re often required to wear at least some makeup, another thing I’d have serious trouble doing. (Trouble because I can’t apply it properly – the only times I’ve ever tried to wear eye makeup people thought I had a black eye – and also because it would seriously alienate me from my body.) Anyway yeah see my recent post on being called crazy entirely based on hair texture, for why I do this before medical appointments. I’m going in today because my feet are swelling – please do not send me any information at all on the topic no matter how tempted you are, all you’ll accomplish is making me wary of ever updating you on my health. And also going because I fell really hard and want my injuries looked at.

This is what I mean about what I do to my hair before a doctor visit. In this case it’s in a bun with a scarf over it. And yet there’s still curls sticking out asymmetrically on one side. Which fortunately can pass as a fashion statement most of the time, at least until and unless it turns into frizz (less likely if I spray it regularly with a homemade concoction of water with a tiny bit of hair-friendly oils). I find though that women in the healthcare field tend to be less judgemental about things like this, and especially if they have thick non-straight hair I might get spontaneous commiseration rather than judgment. After all, they may not get called crazy for having “unkempt” hair the way I and other patients do, but they do get called unprofessional an awful lot for having the exact same hair types. And unlike me, they have to find some way to do this every single day if they want to have a job. I’ve had many many conversations this past summer about humidity and hair, mostly spontaneously started by nurses or medical technicians after they see my hair at its most floofy. It usually starts with something like “That’s how my hair looked this morning…” followed by a description of a ridiculous amount of styling products that I’d never use on my hair but they pretty much have to, to look “professional”, just like they’re often required to wear at least some makeup, another thing I’d have serious trouble doing. (Trouble because I can’t apply it properly – the only times I’ve ever tried to wear eye makeup people thought I had a black eye – and also because it would seriously alienate me from my body.) Anyway yeah see my recent post on being called crazy entirely based on hair texture, for why I do this before medical appointments. I’m going in today because my feet are swelling – please do not send me any information at all on the topic no matter how tempted you are, all you’ll accomplish is making me wary of ever updating you on my health. And also going because I fell really hard and want my injuries looked at.

2:31am October 26, 2015
[Person in a black shirt with fireworks and stars drawn in white, and white letters that read – SELF-ADVOCACY: To boldly go where everyone has gone before.] I got this shirt at a DD self-advocacy conference in Vermont. I promised some people here I’d post a photo once I found it in my closet, so here it is. Shout-out to Green Mountain Self-Advocates (GMSA).

[Person in a black shirt with fireworks and stars drawn in white, and white letters that read – SELF-ADVOCACY: To boldly go where everyone has gone before.] I got this shirt at a DD self-advocacy conference in Vermont. I promised some people here I’d post a photo once I found it in my closet, so here it is. Shout-out to Green Mountain Self-Advocates (GMSA).

2:09pm October 13, 2015
I was struck when I looked in the bathroom mirror at the accidental pairing of old fashioned looking clothing (including a dad shirt and a dad hat) with the drainage bag attached to one half of my feeding tube, evidence that I’m a modern day cyborg after all. Although I could easily see tube stuff as steampunk as hell.

I was struck when I looked in the bathroom mirror at the accidental pairing of old fashioned looking clothing (including a dad shirt and a dad hat) with the drainage bag attached to one half of my feeding tube, evidence that I’m a modern day cyborg after all. Although I could easily see tube stuff as steampunk as hell.

11:12am October 11, 2015
Foot selfie with ice enhanced crutch, and hair.

Foot selfie with ice enhanced crutch, and hair.

9:00am October 9, 2015
I got a burr in my braid during my first attempt at geocaching

I got a burr in my braid during my first attempt at geocaching

4:59pm October 5, 2015
Another shirt (not a dad shirt, one of my old ones) that goes really well with the overalls.

Another shirt (not a dad shirt, one of my old ones) that goes really well with the overalls.

11:58am September 24, 2015
I found my bun donut!

I found my bun donut!

4:35pm September 17, 2015
Why is it that in close-up selfies I always look like a cat?

Why is it that in close-up selfies I always look like a cat?

4:47pm September 16, 2015

Selfies wearing one of my dad’s hats, with my hair up so all the curly hair is visible (I like doing it both because I like the curls, and because it keeps me a lot cooler to have my hair up and braided and out of the way,than it does to have it all hanging down).

For more information on my relationship with hats and my dad’s hats in particular:

For people who don’t know – someone expressed a bit of startlement when they saw ‘remembrance’ in the tags of a post where I was wearing my dad’s clothes – my dad died last November and I’ve been remembering him by wearing either his clothing, clothing very like his clothing, his watches, and/or his hats, every single day since he died.  Right now I’m wearing clothing much like his, and one of his hats, and his pocketwatch.

People tell me I look more like myself in his clothes (and clothes resembling his clothes) than they’ve ever seen me, and more comfortable in my own skin.  I think they’re probably right.  I really, seriously feel like wearing his clothes, and wearing clothes similar to his clothes, make me feel the parts of him that he left inside of me.   And that’s an amazing thing when someone you love is dead. To discover that pieces of them have always been inside you and you never fully realized it.  

Through the objects he had my mother send me after his death, I feel like I’m continually getting to know him better even after he died.  We both had strong relationships to objects so that is something that connects us as well – not just getting to know him through the objects, but knowing that he was the sort of person who would get to know someone through objects just like I would.  I think maybe he knew that, and that’s why he sent some of the things he sent.

I also have his beard in a necklace that I wear constantly.  My mom sent his beard hairs after he died and I put them in a locket… what are those things called, not a usual type of locket but the kind that’s glass and you put things inside it on display kind of.  So you can look at the beard hairs.  People don’t always know what it is but they’re fascinated by it and when I tell them they think it’s really cool.  When an old case manager’s father died, she had some of his ashes put into a pendant, and it’s the same basic idea – carrying around a literal piece of someone you love.  It may seem weird to some people but I understand why she did that, for the same reason I carry my dad’s beard around wherever I go.  I just wish I could grow the kind of magnificent beard he had – I can only grow a scraggly little thing that barely qualifies as a beard at all.